Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
