I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
