Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
