I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
