Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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