I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Randomize
