the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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