Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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