Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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