YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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