"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
