If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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