i'm lost and i look like a hooker
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
