Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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