i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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