i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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