my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
