sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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