Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
All the doctor said was why
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
