im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
