then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
