Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
