he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
