I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
