My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
