It's like a parade of train wrecks.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
