I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
