I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
