I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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