Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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