dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
