I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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