I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Are we still banned from the library?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
