he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
