Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
