If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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