I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
