Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
