if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
