you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
