Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
