Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
