We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
