$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
