I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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