Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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