I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
operation harelip BJ is a go
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
