The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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