xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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