brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
