Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
